Grace

I had this gut-wrenchingly convicting thought last night as we were getting ready for bed: "what if my husband hit me or yelled at me when I did something wrong?" I would probably live in fear of disappointing him. I think we all probably have a natural fear of disappointing our spouses, but this type of fear is different. A fear that would cause me to shrink and be constantly anxious and worried about impending punishment.

And then I thought, "is this how my kids feel?" Whoa man. I don't know if that's how they feel, but in my mind, I can imagine how they would feel this way. I also know that I am prone to this slippery slope of "I am the worst mother ever, how could my kids, my husband, or God possibly love me?" And I could easily slip down that slope into a pit of self-hate, regret, shame, etc (been there, done that...late 2006/early 2007 was not my best year).

I've always been ...thoughtful I guess you could say, about my parenting choices. Having grown up in an abusive household, I have wanted to be really careful not to inflict misery upon my children (and husband) the way my mother did. But finding the "right" something...the perfect fit...has always escaped me. I've known what was wrong, sometimes not until I've tried it for a while-intentionally or not, but I still haven't ever found what was right. Ideologically I fit best in Attachment Parenting with a Christian perspective. But I've still always felt like that needs some tweaking.

Recently I've heard the term "Grace Based Parenting" floating around, and I am going to read more on it. But I think this might be it. "Grace" is a word my wise husband uses a LOT. And I'm really thankful for that. It's like the message of grace needs to be pounded into my brain...or at least the application of it. Grace is what I want to extend to my children because God (and my husband) extend grace to me-often. Really, really often.

This thought has been swirling inside my head since last night, with the potential to cause a panic attack, but this morning's reading helped clear things up for me, thank God!

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
+I John 4:18

Perfect love drives out fear...what a beautiful thing. I don't want to use fear to get my children to obey. "I'm going to put this toy in the fridge if you do that again!" "I'm going to spank you!" I want to get to their heart. I think, for me at least, threatening them is a lazy way to parent. I just want the conflict to end and I don't want to spend any more time on the issue because let's face it, it happens about 2385656389 times a day. But I want to talk to them, and they need me to talk to them. I want to understand what is going on in their minds and hearts. I want to be slow to react. I want to use the uneasy feeling I've been experiencing to grow, change, and revolutionize instead of swirling into a vortex of self-hate and non-improvement. I also want to encourage grace extension in my children. I hear conflict and screaming among my children, and while I know to an extent that it's human sin-nature, I also know that I am very much culpable. My children react to stress and conflict the way they do because they've seen me react to it the same way all these years.

So here is to God and His grace. Here is to praying more for my relationship with my children and for their hearts. Here is to becoming more like the Mom that God designed me to be.

The Bond

From the moment I was set to become a parent, I felt a strong calling from the Lord to seek His thoughts and His ways in my attachment to my children. I pored over my Bible, highlighting verse after verse that spoke of God's lovingkindness and His response to our calls. I saw how attached to us God is, and purposed to try and create a similar attachment between my children and me. I wanted to make sure that they had a solid bond with me from the start, and I wanted to continue to develop that bond as they matured and grew to be the people that God created them to be.

Over the years I have been frustrated on more than one occasion when I see the Church pushing for separation of mom and baby. As far as I'm concerned, a mom and baby are nearly inseparable. It's a mistake to be a Christian organization that purposes to separate mother and young child. We are unknowingly succumbing to an insidious attack by Satan on the precious bond of mother and child. Even little things like purposing or suggesting, (and some groups even demand!) a separation perpetuates the myth that success, ministry, study, rest, enjoyment, and personal growth aren't possible unless we as mothers forsake our God-given duty to our blessings. We treat our blessing as curses. We lament the labor and trials of the early years, and we limit our child-bearing time to a small window of our adult life. We rush through the early years two or three times so we can get on with our lives and our service.

And the children also suffer because they are sequestered from interacting with the adult Christian world. They fulfill our muddled perception of them because they aren't given the chance to interact with us regularly. And we forget that they are children and will behave childishly. They will disrupt. They will make certain tasks more difficult to complete in what we think is a timely fashion. But they will also  bless. They will uplift. They will challenge, and if we persevere, we will grow. And they will grow.

We are doing God a disservice by treating children as some burden to be shuffled off, and we're perpetuating the myth that kids get in the way of success-even success for God, enjoyment, growth, service, study, ministry, and even rest. We are lessening our impact because we are treating a blessing like a curse and when we limit our impact, we aren't realizing our full potential, strength, and development in Christ. Let's embrace these beautiful blessings, as challenging as they may be at times, and let God teach us how to serve Him with them.

He Welcomed Them

"...He took them with Him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, but the crowds learned about it and followed Him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing."
+Luke 9:10-11

Jesus took the disciples away from the crowds probably with the intention of some private time with them, maybe some teaching time, maybe a little relaxation and bonding. But "they withdrew BY THEMSELVES" is what stands out to me. And then the crowds learned where they had gone and followed Him, and "He WELCOMED them". I had to look it up in Greek and it means "to accept gladly, welcome, to receive heartily".

Let's just be honest here, when I have withdrawn and am about to enjoy some time away from my duties, and the crowds (children) figure out where I've gone, or get out of bed 544685 times...I don't always receive them heartily. And when I am out around other people and doing something (grocery shopping, etc) am I emotionally ready to "gladly receive" someone who needs help?

As I sit here typing this on my phone with my baby nursing to sleep, my 2 year old refusing to eat her breakfast at the table, and my older children in their room playing (fighting) loudly, I'm thinking to myself, "gosh it's nice that the baby is asleep and the toddler is at least being quiet, if one of the big kids comes out yelling about some injustice and disrupts my quiet, I'm going to have a hard time reacting the way Jesus did". And so I have two choices...I can hope that nothing happens and know that if it does I will be unhappy and unwelcoming, or I can pray that Jesus would give me His heart, right now, so that I am ready to welcome my children.

This is also convicting for the times that I am a woman on a mission and I just want to complete a task and have an unapproachable heart. You know those times at the store when you don't make eye contact, especially with the older crowd because you don't want to stop and talk for 5 minutes...or 10? But I may be the only dose of Jesus they get that day...of love. And I shouldn't shirk that duty, that privilege, in the name of time.

My 2 year old got down from the table and came over with arms full of love...and woke up her sister, and now she's inviting the big kids out to come join the love fest. What a blessed life!

The Wrong Feathers

In our society, it is not very "glorious" to be a stay at home wife or mother. The world tells us that we should be like men. We should have college degrees and careers. We should eschew our female weakness, toughen up and dive head first into the man's world to claim our rightful spots. We should glory in proving to men everywhere that we are just as strong, just as smart, and just as capable of providing as they are. We put off the blessings of children for a long time, sometimes too long, and then we struggle in our roles as women and mothers and long to go back to the competitive man's world where we can earn our glory and feel like we are contributing to society somehow.

I think that peafowl are a wonderful opportunity to see the beauty and wisdom in why God created males and females differently. The peacock is amazingly glorious in all his splendor. He is vibrantly colored, and he is breathtaking.

The peahen blends into the background. You could easily miss her if you weren't looking specifically for her. She does not seem glorious. But my friends, she IS. God has anointed her as the glue that holds her family together. He has given her the role of mother. She blends into the background so she can protect her young ones. She is the one behind the scenes, nurturing and caring for her children.

And we are the same. We are called to be the one in the background, making sure our husband is welcomed home and loved. We are called to be the one who nurtures our little ones, day after day. We are not called to seek the glory of the world, but to store treasures in Heaven. Be sure, my friend, that delighting in your role as mother and cherishing your time with your little ones, pouring into them as God pours into you, IS storing treasures in Heaven. The world may not appreciate your behind the scenes role, but God does, and He will give you fulfillment if you submit your role to Him. Don't put on the wrong feathers, embrace the role that God has given you.

"God created mankind in His own image,
in the image of God He created them;
male and female He created them."
+Genesis 1:27

Male and Female. Different. For some more reading on the role of women, check out Psalm 127:3, Proverbs 31:10-31, I Timothy 5:9-10, and Titus 2:3-5.

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Producing Fruit

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;"
+Psalm 40:2

There you were, a fragile sapling grasping for life in a garbage dump. Day by day you became weaker, less able to withstand the pressures of world around you. The garbage was piled so high around you that you had to contort yourself to absorb the precious little light that filtered down through. The stench of death was all around you, but you were blind to it because it had always been there. You were losing the battle for your life and you didn't even know it.

And then one day, you were rescued. A Man gently reached down and lifted you from the muck that was all around you. He took you to a land of milk and honey, a land filled with lush gardens and a fountain of everlasting water. Never again would you need to contort yourself to find light because the Light was all around you. Never again would you thirst.

At first you were excited, and you'd do anything to please the Man who rescued you. You grew your fruit and eagerly gave it to Him because you loved Him. But as the years passed, you forgot that you once lived on death's door. Each year your harvest was less, and you offered less of it to your Savior. Eventually your offering became an afterthought. And He became an afterthought.

"Produce fruit in keeping with repentance...the ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." +Luke 3:8,9

Complacency is such an insidious trap. I think so often we get caught up in our day to day lives that we don't even realize we our squeezing our sweet Savior out. But that is a dangerous situation according to Luke. I want to show my God how much I appreciate what He did for me and I want to reflect the love back to Him. I want to be fruitful and I want my family to be fruitful. 

A Childhood Memory Restored

When I was a little girl, I did not have the privilege of knowing our glorious God. I was baptized as an infant and we went into a friend's church when I was 6 or 7 a handful of times, but I don't think we actually went to a service.

Tonight as I was reading the Bible and praying with my kids, I had a picture of a conversation that Jesus might have had with me back when I was 6 or 7. At that time, I remember it seemed like media everywhere treasured blue eyes and blonde hair. It was heartbreaking...I thought I was automatically ugly because I had brown hair and brown eyes. I wished that my eyes were blue and that my hair was blonde, and I hated a little girl in my class who was endowed with both.

"Dear little one, why are you so sad and angry? Do you know how much I love you? Did you know that I made you just exactly the way you are because I knew it would be perfect? I gave you those brown eyes because they are in My image. And I gave you that brown hair because it is in My image. And the little girl in your class, she is made perfect in My image too. The world may not seem like it has enough love for both of you, but I do. So My precious little one, do not covet what your sister has for what I have given you is just as special and just as beautiful. And do not hate her because I have enough love for both of you."  

Our Powerful God

I was reading to my children this morning before we started our homeschool lessons for the day and this message just poured out of me.  Have you ever had those moments where you're like, "I must shout this from the rooftops!"?  I am having one of those moments.  My friends, I pray that you walk away from this message with strengthened faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and hearts on fire to serve Him.

In Ephesians 1:17-21, Paul prays for the Ephesians saying, "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in His holy people, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is the same as the mighty strength He exerted when He raised Christ from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come."

I want to break this down for you.  Firstly, Paul asks for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation.  I will confess, I spent the first ten years of my Christian life walking lightly in faith...never really asking for wisdom. Always giving myself slack for "not being smart enough"...but that is NO excuse my friends.  You see, this all-powerful Savior of mine CAN and will equip me with knowledge and wisdom, I just have to ask in faith.  "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." +James 1:5-8 This awesome God of ours WANTS to give us wisdom and understanding.  But the responsibility is on us, to ask in faith. Ever heard the saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"?  It is the same concept friends. He has this endless abundance of wisdom, just waiting to be poured out on us.  And if I ask for and get a barrel full of it today, that doesn't mean He only has a teaspoon left for you.  You can get your barrel full, or swimming pool full, or ocean of wisdom! Just ask Him and believe He will give it to you.

Secondly, hope...hope is to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment, to have confidence; trust, to look forward to with confidence or expectation. What is the hope that we have been called to? Salvation. Our heavenly reward. Our inheritance in heaven, but also our inheritance here. Peace...Jesus' true uncompromising peace. Calm in the storms of life. Help when we need it. Power-not power for selfish gain, but power for the kingdom of God. The supernatural ability to do the things that Jesus has asked us to do. Love. Growth to be like Jesus-His character qualities to be manifest in us.

Thirdly, I want you to focus on this power mentioned. His "incomparably great power"...the same power that He "exerted when He raised Christ from the dead". I think sometimes I forget just how powerful God is, AND that He wants to share His power with us. You know those moments where you are stretched so thin you might snap, you just want to give up, you have NOTHING left to give, you want to run away and hide? Those are the moments that God wants to give you His power. We are tapped out at that point, our reserves are deficient...we do not have enough. But He does. And He will give us what we need in that moment. It's like manna. He isn't going to once and for all make us strong enough to move our daily mountains forever, but each time we are faced with a challenge, He wants us to come to
Him and ask for His power. When I am at the grocery store and all five kids are having a rough time, there is weeping and gnashing of teeth, stares and rude comments from people, and I just want to crawl in a hole, my God is there to strengthen me and help me finish my job. Sometimes He sends a sweet person along with an encouraging smile and comment, sometimes my husband sends me a strengthening text message, and sometimes He just fills me up in mysterious ways and gives me the perseverance I need to finish. But His power is there, and I just have to ask.

Fourth, I want to talk about the invoking of His name. We all know that today is the 12 year anniversary of 9/11. I was explaining it to my children and I told them that Osama Bin Laden had a powerful name. I'll bet his name just needed to be mentioned and people would be willing to do his bidding. His name and the power behind it are responsible for thousands of deaths and instilled fear in millions of people. We can see the evidence of his power on earth. And yet, Jesus Christ is MORE powerful than he was. He is "far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and EVERY name invoked". If Osama Bin Laden had the power to command the end of thousands of lives, what can our infinitely MORE powerful God do for our good, for His good?

I guess my point today is, don't sell God short. I think we tend to put Him in a box and see Him as an absentee God. He's just observing and not acting. But that is so wrong. He is alive. He is moving. He is present, right beside us, in our daily lives constantly. If we can't feel Him, it is because we have shut the door and turned our backs. We are on autopilot. Open that door with me! We don't need to ask God to meet us somewhere-because He is already there, waiting to give us His power! We need to ask for enlightenment-to have our eyes opened to His awesome power and faith that He will empower us each moment of our lives.

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray that You would open our eyes to your glorious, incomparably great power. I pray that You would keep reminding us that Your endless storehouse of power is available to us, and that we need only ask. I pray that You would grow our faith and help us to understand and trust that You are who You say you are and that You will do the things You've promised to do, not just at the end of time, but also each day in our journey. You are amazing Jesus. Please help us to glorify You today.